


The Perks of Being a Bottom

by heros_wings



Category: JYJ (Band)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-21
Updated: 2015-10-21
Packaged: 2018-04-27 08:59:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5042146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/heros_wings/pseuds/heros_wings
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Junsu just wanted a normal dinner. Just the 3 of them. Instead he gets Jaejoong dragging along a dude that looks like Yoochun, and Yoochun bringing a dude that looks like Jaejoong. But they're nothing alike. Really.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Perks of Being a Bottom

I gotta stop talking to **[boonies](http://boonies.tumblr.com/). ** I also need to learn how to say no.

 

The title literally has nothing to do with the story. Blame boonies. Blame her for everything.

 

* * *

 

When Junsu said "let's have dinner" because Yoochun and Jaejoong "happened" to have their military leave coincide, he expected enlistment stories, grabby hands, and stupid, giggling fits over nothing.

The usual bullshit he endured and definitely didn't miss. But they were his hyungs and he was obligated to meet with them before his own enlistment. He was supposed to get advice. Tips. Encouragement.

Instead he got Jaejoong dragging some reluctant kid through the door of Bum's, and Yoochun strolling in minutes later with a guy trailing behind him looking resigned to whatever he had clearly been forced into.

Junsu stood, forced a smile, and tried not to dwell on the fact that the guy Jaejoong was now introducing as Park Yoojin looked eerily similar to the other idiot, who had pulled over a skinny kid and called him "Kim Jaehyun."

The room temperature dropped approximately 10 degrees as Jaejoong smiled and scanned him up and down.

The guy looked like Jaejoong from the old days — one year after debut, impractically skinny, pretty, large eyes, and pale skin — only with less hair.

"Nice to meet you, Jaehyun-ssi," Jaejoong greeted politely, unnecessarily rolling up his hoodie sleeves, which stopped just below his elbow, threads fraying at the ends.

Yoochun was frowning at Yoojin, who had reached out his hand, thought better of it, and instead lowered himself into his chair with a cautiously friendly, "I've heard a lot about you and Junsu-ssi."

Slowly, Junsu sunk into his own seat, closest to the door, and with the clearest escape route.

"Haven't heard anything about you," Yoochun grunted as he shoved Jaehyun into the seat across from Yoojin.

Junsu had. During one of the numerous collect calls Jaejoong was making him pay for at least once a week. Not once had he mentioned that “Yoojin-ah” was actually a doppleganger.

Jaejoong shed off his hoodie, revealing his favorite black tank top, and exposing the thick, trunk-like arms that probably weighed more than he did when he entered the army.

"Maybe if you picked up the phone," he said lightly, sitting next to Yoojin so their shoulders brushed. He smiled. "But Yoojin-ah is a _really_ good listener so..."

Yoochun went so still, Junsu half expected him to literally turn to stone.

“We share a room at the base,” he continued, seemingly oblivious, as he swung an arm over Yoojin’s shoulders.

Yoochun’s eyes fixated on the spot that was usually his. 'YOOCHUN' was practically engraved on Jaejoong’s shoulder and Jaejoong’s name on his. Even to Junsu, seeing someone else’s shoulder under Jaejoong’s arm looked wrong — _felt_ wrong.

Yoojin had the same wide forehead, same build, and even a similar smile. But he wasn't Yoochun. Junsu wondered if Jaejoong even noticed.

Knowing he was only delaying the inevitable disaster that would become the evening, Junsu quickly turned to Jaehyun.

"So you work in Yoochun's office?" he asked politely.

Jaehyun, who had been glancing nervously between Jaejoong and Yoochun as if caught in the middle of some silent battle, looked at Junsu.

"Y-yeah..." he glanced warily at Jaejoong again before continuing, "I mean...I work in budget and Yoochun-ssi is in public relations so—"

"—how much do you weigh budget-ssi?" Jaejoong asked casually.

Jaehyun blinked and stared at Jaejoong with a startled expression. "Um...60 kilograms why—?"

"Have you gone drinking with Jaejoong hyung yet?" Yoochun interrupted, eyes boring into Yoojin, expression scarily casual.

“I benched 61 the other day,” Jaejoong barreled on, ignoring Yoochun, and adding, “after running two miles the morning after my night watch.”

Yoojin raised an eyebrow at him before turning to Yoochun, unflinching.

“A few times why—"

"—don't."

"-what-?"

"He's not..." Yoochun started,"...normal..."

There was a short pause, and Yoojin tilted his head, looking adorably — too adorably — puzzled. "You mean the kissing thing?"

A vein twitched above Yoochun's eye as a smile tugged at the corner of Jaejoong’s lips.

“Only once,” Jaejoong pinched Yoojin’s cheek, “he was just too cute that night,” he teased, laughing as Yoojin batted him away and threw his arm off with an indignant, “yah! Don't lie!”

Before the table or probably the entire restaurant caught fire, Junsu laughed loudly enough that every patron outside their VIP room turned to stare at the closed door.

"So who wants soju? Or sake? Or—?"

"Yoojin-ah lived in the States for a few years," Jaejoong cut him off.

"I did—?"

 _"Really?"_ Yoochun said in English, _"Where did you live? East coast or west coast?"_

Yoojin just stared blankly. "Yeah I don't speak—"

“Excuse the interruption,” a waiter appeared, unknowingly disrupting the chilly air that had blanketed the table, “the usual?”

Junsu knew “the usual” was several bottles of soju and a couple of sides, so he ordered an actual meal and hoped they didn't notice.

"Jaehyun-ah has a hello kitty collection on his desk," Yoochun laughed, eyes locked onto Jaejoong's, who was smiling so coldly, Junsu waited for the snowflakes to start falling.

"I told you the mouse pad was from my niece..." Jaehyun mumbled, looking miserable, "you bought the rest..."

Looking sympathetic, Yoojin reached across the table and ruffled his hair. "Hyung bought me so much Mickey Mouse I had to start selling it on eBay."

Jaehyun flushed a delicate shade of pink, and smiled shyly.

Junsu felt a chill run up his spine.

Oh.

No.

 

The waiter returned with a tray with several bottles of soju, and while Junsu definitely didn't drink, he grabbed the first bottle set on the table, and took a large gulp.

He cringed at the taste, but took another gulp. Maybe if he drank enough, he wouldn't have to remember whatever bad things were inevitably going to happen.

Yoochun snatched the bottle from Yoojin's hand just as he tilted it over Jaejoong's glass, spilling half.

"Jaehyun-ah has just as many sisters as you do, Jae..." he said pouring Jaejoong a glass before filling his own.

"Brothers...I have-"

"—Yoojin's little sister likes me more than him," Jaejoong shot back. "She said she'll marry me if her oppa doesn't."

"...that's true actually," Yoojin said, grinning a little at Jaehyun.

Yoochun gripped the soju bottle so tight his knuckles turned white.

Eyebrow raised, Yoojin added, "my sister is 5."

Yoochun knocked back a shot and poured himself another. "Same sex marriage isn't legal in South Korea," he muttered, downing the second glass.

Yoojin and Jaehyun glanced at each other.

Desperate, Junsu tried changing the subject to something less...this.

"So I bought another Iron Man for Toscana—" as if they were even allowed within ten feet outside the premises "—I really think—"

"—yah band-ssi...how many times is a few times?" Yoochun cut in. Junsu knew what he really meant was, "how many times has Jaejoong kissed you."

Done, he sighed and poured himself a shot of soju. Yeah...

He finished a glass and poured a second.

...he really didn't want to remember tonight.

Regrettably, his alcohol tolerance was too low and he was forced to switch to water.

After their waiter returned with their food and Junsu suffered through yet another round of passive aggressive showing off, the two idiots and their surrogates for each other were on their tenth bottle of soju and arguing over Yoojin's forehead size.

"Yours is totally bigger," Yoochun reached over and poked Yoojin's forehead.

Slapping Yoochun's hand away, Yoojin responded, "I can see your hairline receding to the back of your head."

Almost in sync, Jaejoong and Jaehyun reached across the table and measured their foreheads using their thumbs and forefingers. Jaejoong's on Yoochun's and Jaehyun's on Yoojin's. After measuring, they brought their hands together, fingers still spread, and compared.

"Yoochun's is bigger," Jaejoong grinned at Yoochun, who scowled as Yoojin let out a triumphant, "HA!" and high-fived Jaehyun.

Junsu groaned. Why. What did he do to deserve this....

"I'm gonna...go..." _jump into the Han River_ , "...to the bathroom."

He almost bailed. Almost.

But Junsu was a masochist. So he returned and found Jaejoong on the floor, on his back, with Jaehyun hovering above him — Jaejoong’s feet planted on Jaehyun’s hips, hands clasped together for support.

Jaejoong bent his arms so Jaehyun lowered. His muscles bulged from the effort, but otherwise the movement was perfectly steady. Junsu watched as Jaejoong straightened his arms again.

He repeated the movement a two more times before Junsu finally asked, "what are you doing?"

Yoochun and Yoojin were huddled around a phone, recording, and shrugged in unison.

Jaejoong grinned and straightened, so Jaehyun landed gently on his knees. "I told you I could bench press you."

Junsu watched as Yoochun slapped a 10,000 won bill in Yoojin's on palm, grumbling, "Just wait until he's out of army for a year."

Jaejoong helped Jaehyun to his feet, and they returned to the table — Jaejoong pressed closely to Yoochun's side, and Jaehyun shyly sliding in next to Yoojin, who grinned and offered him a sip from his soju bottle.

"Yah, budget-ssi, did Yoochun ever tell you about the time we drove west to see the sunrise?" Jaejoong asked, hand draping across Yoochun's thigh, fingers playing with a frayed seam on the inside.

Junsu backed up slowly, door only feet away, still slightly ajar.

"Yah, hyung...you tried that with me too," Yoojin laughed, swinging an arm around Jaehyun, who looked startled but made no attempt to remove his arm.

Junsu took another step.

Yoojin turned to stare at Jaehyun, eyes sparkling with amusement and something Junsu had seen for nearly 12 years in the other two, who were now passing a soju back and forth between each other.

"What do you say, Jaehyun-ssi...wanna go west?" 

Junsu bolted.

 

The next morning, he woke up to a text from Yoochun.

_Micky6002: Hyung's dongsaeng doesn't look anything like me._

_Micky6002: ...and he stole my dongsaeng_

_Micky6002: who is nothing like hyung._

_Micky6002: they're nothing alike. Why do people keep telling us they look like us...._

_Xiaxiaxia: aren't you at work...._

When there was no reply, Junsu closed his eyes again, ready to sleep for another hour, when the phone buzzed again.

_Jaejae: ....chun-ah...please tell budget-ssi to return Yoojin before 5 so we don't get reported._

Junsu chucked his phone into the corner of his room.


End file.
